wrigley field is MILF paradise
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
