she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
