i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
