when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
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Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
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i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize