Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
