Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
