if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize