i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
