Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
