If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We talked him into tasing himself.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
