My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
