You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
