Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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