I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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