He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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