Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
