omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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