Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
