the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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