its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
