i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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