The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
