the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
