OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
