genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
