do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
