Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
