You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
