neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
