hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
