Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
