Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
