Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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