Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
