speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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