My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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