we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We're too hungover to prance.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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