Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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