Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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