Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
