that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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