would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
