We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
