omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
