I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I believe in your delicious
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
