Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
