I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
