She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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