Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
