I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
