Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize