All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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