I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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