I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
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sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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