Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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