yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
