the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize