if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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