the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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