I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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