I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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