Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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