id be glad to
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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