would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
