Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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