I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
