Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
