MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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