So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
