Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
