too bad you live with your parents still
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
