So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize