I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
