...so i touched it.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
